We’re just a year (or so) away from signing day 2015! For the Twitter Recruiting-elite, it’s time to roll up the sleeves, get your hands ready, and start stalking a brand new group of 17 year olds. Just kidding (kind of) about that. But seriously, with National Letter of Intent Day behind us, there is this unfortunate dead period for college football enthusiasts. Fortunately, once every four years, the World bestows upon us a gift called the “Winter Olympic Games.” Most of the sports are a foreign language to American sports fans. Yes, they’re foreign languages with an (in)appropriate number of sexually suggestive catch-phrases but foreign none-the-less.
Included among these sports is a shining beacon of fun that I, in all seriousness, get excited to watch: Curling. I know what you’re thinking, so let’s get it out of the way: Yes, this is the sport where Dick’s Sporting Goods is replaced by the Home Depot as your go to source for equipment. IT HAS BROOMS!
If you’re interested in learning about the sport’s rules/procedures, etc., what better source than Wikipedia for your authority!
However, if you’re reading this blog, there’s a strong probability you’ve discovered this article by following @mrmayhem75, @goirishglory, or (god forbid) @IrishMoonJ. My incredibly unscientific research leads me to believe the following things about you then:
- You’re real life persona masks an incredibly funny, unapologetically inappropriate online sense of humor,
- You’re a degenerate drinker, and
- You have a healthy dislike of all things Lane Kiffin.
I’m not quite sure how #3 ties into the point of this post, but it’s true, and I like you more for it. There is a disconnect however, in that numbers 1 and 2 don’t always lead to you wanting to learn a new sport. At the same time, it does suggest you’re game for an excuse to drink, and I’m here to accommodate. Should you run across some men or women appearing to sweep away the dreams of their opponent and want to know when it’s a good idea to take a sip (or gulp) ((or chug)) of your favorite beverage, Down the Tunnel is proud to publish the simple to follow “Curling Drinking Game.”
Step One: Make sure your volume’s on. Seriously, this game won’t work otherwise. Not to mention, the intricate, subtle dialogue of a curling match is quite interesting, and you won’t be able to get mad at the commentators because you’ll only vaguely know whether what they’re saying is cliché or not.
Step Two: Take a sip of your drink each time the “skip” (pronounced: “person yelling at everyone else”) yells: “HARD, HARD, HARD…..whoa, whoa.” Mmmmhmmm…this is suggestive. Also, take a small sip because this happens FAR more than you might think. This is a drinking game, so be liberal in your interpretation, but these are the key words to be listening for. Finally, thank (and follow) @IrishRyg on Twitter. He’s the president of the Notre Dame Curling Club and also developed this rule.
Step Three: Each time the stone (the funny looking disc they throw) comes to rest in the bullseye, finish your drink. This is a command from Down the Tunnel’s commander and chief Mayhem.
That’s it. The rules are simple. The results are devastating. Curling matches are looooong, and given that the IOC was blackmailed into giving Russia the Olympics, the curling matches are on at crazy times of the day. It’s fine by me if you drink and go to work, drink at work, or neglect Valentine’s Day to participate. I probably don’t have your best interests at heart, and telling your boss/significant other/family that the Internet told you to drink just never goes as well as you might hope. Take it from me.
Finally, curling lasts most of the Olympics, and if you’re not opposed to paying exorbitant shipping costs, ND has a shirt for you via @thereidy (another person you should be following). Hey, it’s Adidas brand, so it’s bound to be a collector’s item in the very near future.
Over the weekend I’ll try to put together a full television schedule for the curling matches. You can also stream the matches live, and we might even set up a U.S. match “live” (pronounced: featured replay) tweet/drinking event depending on how things go.
In the meantime, LET THE GAMES BEGIN!