Dear Dixie – Week 2. Post scUM.

Well it’s post scUM week, and it shows in y’alls questions.  While there are a couple of witty questions, most sound like they were thought up during a horrible hangover.  I still answered them to the best of my ability.  A LOT of questions were not included due to the graphic nature of them.  Here they are in all their glory.  Thanks to @irishfootball11, @mrmayhem75, @HoosIrish, @BraeBeadles34, @BravoSarno, @bhaydon5, @JBNDFAN, @Stan_Cherry, @jharlow23, @mr_jt412, @MrsTruj, @stickamania, @PackyP, @kickassmjh, and @TheShamRap.  Keep em coming y’all.

How do you keep that glorious beard of yours so soft?  Mines getting pretty rough.

-It’s my understanding that this question needed to be answered first.  Understandable.  Simple, the tears of defeated opponents make for excellent conditioner.  But seriously, just conditioner.

What is the proper punishment for someone who drops a full jar of Apple Pie Moonshine?

-Besides a season long ban from tailgating? 

Why does Brae still look like a 13 year old punk?

-You really wish he was 17 huh?

Joe has 10 apples. Anthony gives him 13 more.  How many apples does Brad have?

-Didn’t I tell you I went to art school?

In the movie “Encino Man” a cave man was taught to exist in present day society.  Does this mean @irishfootball11 has a chance?

-Not likely.  He is no Brendan Fraser.

I heard Down The Tunnel has achieved Notre Dame blog supremacy.  Is the air crisper at the top?

-O’Doyle Rulez.

I couldn’t get an answer from #AskJameis so I’ll give #DearDixie a chance:  Drawn butter or cocktail sauce?

-Can anyone really get an answer from him?  Refer to his NCG post game speech for proof.

What in the hell happened to the flag in the student section?

-Have you ever tried to get dressed/undressed while drunk?  Same concept.

You said after the game, that you were going to conceive baby number #2.  I don’t get it.  Please explain?

-It’s ok.  Neither did Mrs. Dixie.

Of your total number of tweets you have tweeted, How many would you say were composed on the throne?

-The easy answer is 2 right?

At what age is it appropriate to start taking viagra?

-How old is Brady Hoke?

Bob Diaco’s luscious hair or BVG’s sweet stache?

-Brian Kelly’s Nips.

In rankings of best states to raise girls, Michigan came in at 28th place.  Rankings fair?

-Michigan rarely makes it into the top 25.  But hey, at least we aren’t Mississippi.

I just farted in my office, and my secretary walks in. 1) What does it smell like? 2) Can I blame i on her?

-The second question depends on the answer to the first.  If it smells like jalapeño cheese brats and stale PBR, its highly doubtful you can blame it on her. 

Has Michigan scored yet?

-Nope.   

Is a burrito a Mexican sandwich?

-Is that the same as a donkey show?

A bottle of Jameson, reserved for post scUM celebration was missing.  Has it been found?

-Why are you looking at me?  *Shoves altoids in mouth

Should I be embarrassed that I love “All About That Base”

-Not nearly as embarrassing as my Ace of Base t-shirt collection.

Do you like foot longs?

-I know you do Jared.

How can you REspond, but just not Spond?

-Life’s a bitch ain’t it?

Have you ever pooped your pants as an adult?

-No, but I have pooped on my Grandma-in-laws floor.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck, could chuck, wood?

-Ask IrishFootball11.  He knows all about chucking wood.

I have a Michigan fan to my left, and a roll of toilet paper to my right.  What do I let kiss my ass first?

-They’re both used to handling copious amounts of poo. Michigan is softer too.

Could Jaylon Smith become a better player than Manti?

-Damn tough question.  I think he will end up with better career stats than Manti.  Will he have a greater impact on the team than Manti?  We shall see, but his future is BRIGHT.

What now?

BxDeBBeCQAAnlK1

-God gave you hands for a reason.

To prepare for my dance off against GoIrishGlory, what training program do you recommend?

-Do the Stanky Leg.

Would you rather have a beer with Kirk Herbstreit  or Mark May?

-Lee Corso.  He curses on live TV and plays with guns.

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